Many of us learned many important life lessons in Kindergarten: don't fight, take your turn, share, be polite, etc. Some kids inadvertently learned the wrong lessons, however, and grew up to become right-wing conservatives. Here are some of the lessons they learned:
- If someone looks or sounds different from you, pick on them. Get your friends to pick on them too.
- In a disagreement, whoever shouts the loudest wins.
- Often times, you can break the rules and not get caught.
- If you do get caught, you can always blame someone else.
- Name-calling is funny, and your friends will laugh with you.
- If name-calling and shouting don't get you what you want, try pushing, shoving, or hitting.
- It's better for people to give you what you want because they're afraid of you than because they're your friends.
- Hoard all the best toys for yourself.
- Cut in line. You need to get there before anyone else. Make alliances with people who will let you cut.
- If the teacher catches you doing something wrong and you're punished, blame the teacher and say bad things about her.
- Prove it? You don't have to!
- Milk, cookies, and naps are the best things in the world.
- If at first you don't succeed, keep doing the same thing over and over again, and scream until it works.
- Speaking of which, you can take an extra cookie; why should you care if that means someone else can't have one?
- If you pee on the floor, someone else will clean it up.
- Girls are yucky! They're not as good as boys. Boys are better.
- If a classmate has something you like, wait til he's not looking, and then steal it.
- When you lie convincingly, it's your word against someone else's, and you can get away with it.
- You can show other boys your wee-wee in the restroom.
- When all else fails: temper tantrum!
